Hi Team Woodies! This is Cory, your Captain speaking;
Today is a bittersweet day for me and Woodies. I've agreed to terms to sell Woodies to Luxottica, the world's largest eyewear conglomerate generating over 8 billion in revenue last year, owner of Ray-Bans, Oakley, Persol and more. They have cornered the market on sunglasses and it was only a matter of time before they made me an offer I couldn't refuse. How long could they let the Woodies brand exist while we're selling GREAT quality sunglasses at a GREAT price?? Everything about Woodies threatened their entire business model. If people could get a GREAT pair of sunglasses for $25, then why would anybody pay $150 for Ray-Bans?? Obviously, they couldn't compete and urgently needed to pull Woodies into the monopoly they've created.
Since this is the last day that I'll own Woodies, I've decided to offer a discount before I go. Use code: LuxotticaMonopoly to save 30% on anything at Woodies.com
After today, I've been told they're raising the price of every product by $100 and they're going to stop giving extras like the lens cloth, travel case, and guitar pick. But don't worry about me, I'll be rich! The CEO of Luxottica is flying me on his private jet to Bali, woooooo!